Friday, March 03, 2006 3/03/2006 12:18:00 PM
sadness overcomes me
as my title states, i'm totally demoralized to negative infinity...so much tt i actually felt like crying when i was talking to shin rong abt it yesterday.not like i didn't have such feeling before, just tt it was so much stronger after some causal talk @ a programmes meeting the other day.philip, weixian and i were just taking abt studies and going on to 4th yr.me: 'nxt yr is my final yr already.'philip: 'you're in 2nd yr now rite? not planning to go on 4th yr? i think you shld leh..it's better'weixian: 'ya lor..'me: 'no lar, i can't continue...'philip: 'why? your cap don't have 3.5 meh?' me: 'nope..'philip and weixian (looking quite stunned): 'really meh? oh....'weixian: 'but modules like calculus very easy mar..it's just c maths frm a level..can score A easily...'me (thinking): ok i'm lousy..i didn't get an A for tt module...fine!wth!!!like 3.5 is the min average among nus students and being below tt means you're lousy...well, indeed i was affected as i think abt what they said.i just can't help thinking..what am i here for man? why am i not performing? is this really a wrong choice tt i've made? what's the point of mugging so hard, making myself so no life and yet there's no nice performance, improvements?what am i doing all these for? nothing's reflecting...august told me, 'but if you don't study and give up then your results will be worse than now lor..'just wondering, am i only able to perform like this? is this my maximum potential only? sighz...how can others handle faculty clubs position, sports club membership, studies, o-comm of different huge events and more, when everyone only have 24hrs in a day?vivien was telling me she overheard philip sayin, 'i'm lack of everything except sleep..'what kinda comment is tt?!?i'm just an very average person with under-performing abilities. confidence level, mental strength, will-power all hanging on tightly but the rope is slowly tearing...can i hold on and overcome this low period? i hope but i'm feeling like i'm on the verge of tearing myself apart...
